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The Joys and Pitfalls of
Pagan Parenting, Teen Style
by Morgan Ravenwood
You read it all the time. Teenagers, both male and female, are
discovering Paganism, and Wicca in particular, at an astonishing
rate. Wishing to publicly proclaim their new-found faith, they
often wear pentacle necklaces and "Gothic" style clothing
and makeup, which unfortunately can cause a bit of a stir with both
school officials and peers. Then mom and dad get involved, and
in many cases, fearing that their children have become involved in
some sort of Satanic worship, they confiscate and destroy their
recalcitrant offspring's jewelry, books and other assorted Pagan
paraphernalia with strict orders never to bring such things into the
house again. Any protest from their children are met with stony
glances and, in the case of deeply religious Christian parents, dire
pronouncements and threats of hellfire. There are thousands of
personal accounts by people both on the Internet and in books wherein
they state that they had to wait years and in many cases leave home
in order to be able to freely practice their chosen religion.
Still others collapse under the pressure of parents and friends and
return to the religion in which they were raised, which in many cases
also unfortunately means returning to spiritual dissatisfaction.
Then there are those kids who are actually raised in the Pagan
tradition by likewise Pagan parents, or by parents who adopt (and in
some cases, convert to) the Pagan faith when their children are
older. No matter how they reach the Pagan path, It takes a lot
of faith, strength and heart for these parents to attempt to raise
their children in a non-mainstream religion. It's that much
more difficult when those children are teenagers.
A good example is a conversation I had with my oldest daughter,
"Jane," a couple of months after she had angrily flounced
out of the house shortly after her eighteenth birthday, declaring
that she'd had enough of living by our house rules. Though my
husband and I had been Pagan for years and have attempted to raise
both of our daughters according to basic Pagan ideals, I realized
that we perhaps hadn't done as much as we could have with Jane when
she made an offhand remark as we ate lunch in a café shortly
after she had left home. Upon listening to my attempt to
counsel her to cease her self-destructive behavior, she said, rather
incredulously, "but, mom, it's not like you're a religious
Christian or something!" I spent the rest of our
conversation trying to explain why you don't have to be a Christian
to be religious and to believe in---and practice---leading a decent life.
It was after hearing that very telling comment from Jane that I
turned my attention to my younger daughter "Anne," who is
five years younger than Jane and was already beginning to exhibit
some of the identical behavior that had gotten Jane into trouble on
more than one occasion.
Anne was just then beginning to show a marked interest in learning
more about Paganism, and I bought her a copy of Silver Ravenwolf's
"Teen Witch," of which we read a lot together. Up
until this time, my husband and I had maintained a quiet practice of
our faith, and although we would perform little observances like
going outside and murmuring a salutation to the rising full and new
moons, we hadn't yet performed any formalized rituals, though I had
been yearning to. When Anne showed an interest in doing so, it
seemed like the perfect time to start. My husband was also
enthusiastic, and we eagerly planned our first Esbat ritual for
October 1999. This was followed shortly by our first Sabbat
ritual: Samhain. With only a few exceptions, we've observed
every full moon and Sabbat since then, and gave Anne a nice Athame as
her year-and-a-day gift this past Samhain.
I think that like most teenagers who become interested in Paganism,
Anne was attracted to the idea of practicing magic and casting spells
to achieve one's desires. However, I don't think she was
disappointed when she learned that Paganism, far from being as it is
often portrayed on TV and in the movies, is actually an
earth-centered, conscientious religion full of balance, harmony and
wise principles, centered not only around the worship of a God but a
Goddess as well. I sincerely hope that being a member of a
family that actively practices a religion has given her a little
something extra that her sister, much to my regret, was unable to
benefit from.
Anne has perhaps had a little rougher time than most kids in
explaining her family's faith to her peers. Though she has met
one boy who claims to practice Wicca with his father, the rest of her
friends---with the exception of a couple who are Jewish---are
Christian, as is roughly ninety percent of the population in the
small Arizona city we live in. And just as Kermit the Frog put
it, sometimes "it ain't easy bein' green"---or, in our
case, Pagan.
Most of Anne's friends have taken a good look at the small silver
pentacle I always wear (I am also completely "out" both at
work and in public). Though none of them have asked me it's
meaning (and I've found that there are a lot of people who don't have
any idea that it means anything), some have asked her and she has
been truthful with them without going into great detail. Though
Anne herself has worn one to school on a couple of occasions (I was
half expecting a phone call from the principal the first time, but
none came, thank the Gods!), she decided that it wasn't worth all the
negative feedback she got from some of the Christian students.
But both my husband and I both pledged to support her decision no
matter what it was, and it was a great opportunity to explain that
wearing a pentacle alone doesn't make one a Pagan!
Since Anne has always attended public school, she of course has heard
her friends speak of their religions. Occasionally, she has
attended their churches, an activity that we have supported, as we
believe that a well-rounded religious education means learning about
all religions.
However, the last time she attended one, which was about two weeks
before Samhain, she appeared troubled when she came home. When
I inquired as to why, she said, "mom, that minister said that
Halloween is evil, and told all the kids in the youth group that if
we celebrate it, we're glorifying the devil!" Needless to
say, I was rather upset to hear this, and spent a couple of sleepless
nights mulling over what to do about it.
Finally, it came to me. I addressed an email to the editor of
our local newspaper and sent him the link to the website on The
Witches' Voice explaining the true meaning of Halloween to the
press. I received an almost immediate reply from one of the
paper's reporters, which ultimately resulted in my doing an interview
in which I explained my consternation at the fact that some of the
local Christian clergy members were passing inaccurate information
about Halloween to their young parishioners. The reporter who
interviewed me was respectful and honestly curious about Paganism,
and allowed me to explain the true origins of Samhain. The
article was printed on---you guessed it----Halloween, and nobody was
happier than Anne, who, because of the fact that she confided her
concerns to me, was able to help further education about our religion.
I guess if I had to use one word to describe Pagan teen parenting, it
would be perseverance. Of course, the parent of any teenager
must by necessity be perseverant, but I think that in the case of
Pagans, we have a bit of an advantage over the members of other
faiths. Not only have we learned to rely on our intuitions, but
we're also pretty easy to talk to. We're well-versed on many
subjects, and while we know that there's something called human
nature, we also know that it takes time to develop the maturity
needed to control it.
When teens learn this, they are able to affect a healthy transition
to adulthood. For the parents, the perseverance comes in the
form of education and observation. Life is a learning process
from start to finish; and in the case of Paganism, there is so much
to learn about where we've been, where we are and where we're going
that there can never be an end to the possibilities.
The observation of ritual, in whatever that form takes, is also
important. No, you don't have to cast a circle and perform a
set ritual (though Anne has become quite adept at this); try taking
your teen(s) to a beach, lake, desert or mountain for a day, and
point out things to them that they might never have noticed
before. The time spent together is what is most
important. Whatever you do, do it with conscience and
reverence and you can never go wrong.
Goddess and God bless!
Morgan Ravenwood |
