Sooner or later you are going to find yourself reading for a friend. Be it a best friend or a new friend, somewhere along the line they find out that you read cards and they will ask if you would be kind enough to read for them.
For me, many of the friends I read for know what the tarot is about; there is no need to explain. Either they are not good at reading cards, or they prefer another style of divination or they just are not familiar enough with the cards and feel they need some kind of validation for the reading they may have done for themselves. Most of the friends I read for know I am a very direct person who does not usually sugar coat my reading for the benefit of the faint of heart.
But I also do readings for friends who have never had a reading done before, and many times never by a witch. This can be a moment of awaking for them, it can be a very scary moment or it can be an experience they will find uplifting and magical, and they will want to come back and do it again and again.
I want to cover both types of readings, for good friends familiar with tarot, and for those friends who are experiencing for the first time a tarot reading.
Good friends are actually the hardest to read for. Why? Because you know them the best. The information you are about to impart upon them is probably already well known between the two of you. New information in readings like this will be few and far between. And good friends will try to hold you to your readings.
I do not remember much of any reading I do for another. To be honest, I “step outside” of myself when I read. I allow my friends to touch the cards; I encourage them to shuffle the cards around and get their “essence” on the cards. This helps the cards resonate with the person I am reading for. Then I “step out” and allow the images to form clearly in my mind and allow my “higher self” or “spiritual guide” to interpret the cards. I merely vocalize the reading from the images I receive in conjunction with the cards. And when it is done, I find myself back within myself and I know the reading is over.
My good friends know this, and I inform them of this if they are unaware. It does help when they come back a few weeks later and want to discuss the reading. They will usually have to fill me in on the reading, so I can follow where they want to go with the discussion, and maybe a follow up reading.
Tarot reading show the path as it stands at the moment of the reading. The intentions of the person I am reading for at that moment are captured in time, and the consequences of these intended actions are made clear in the reading. Should the person I am reading for decide that these are not the results they want and they change the intent or some action they were considering, the path of the reading has now changed and what may have been discussed as an outcome at that point has also changed. For each action there is a reaction. The path changes based on your decisions and actions, and the reading may have performed a valuable service in many cases. However, changes sometimes are not as discussed and the desired results are not achieved. Discussion of details would be necessary at that point. And many of my friends will write down what has been discussed in the reading for future discussion. That is always ok with me; you will find lots of clients who will record or take notes during a session. Friends are no different.
If one of my friends comes to me and suggests that my reading did not turn out as we had discussed, it may be time to go over the paths outlined and the results attained. Many times it becomes clear there are variations, and the end results are skewed because of those changes. Many times, it is for the better.
Then again, some days we just don’t seem to hit the mark. There are days when we are not in tune with the universe or the powers that be and it is clearly visible in the readings of the cards. Those times you excuse yourself, or you will have to explain later why you were so off the mark. Again, be honest with yourself and your friend. Friends are very forgiving when you tell them you are not feeling well, or you have had a bad day and it may affect the quality of the reading. You do not have this luxury with clients, so take full advantage here. This is a learning experience.
I will usually show off a new deck with good friends. A lot can be said of a deck that holds a persons attention because the images or the style is in tune with person for whom you read. You can use decks that may be unusual with friends, because they will let you know right away if the deck is appealing or if they are just plain uninterested. In that case, I will switch the deck. No harm done. And friends are forgiving in that respect. Again, clients will not be so forgiving.
Those who know me know I don’t beat around the bush when it comes to readings. If the person is having a rough time and it appears for all intents and purposes that the cause of this is the person themselves, I do not hesitate to mention this. This is sometimes easy to do with good friends as opposed to a client who steadfastly refuses to admit when they have messed up. Then again, with a friend who has really dug in deep on their own, they may not be ready to admit their fault. For the friends I read for, it is my honesty, my not holding back that causes them to come to me again and again, because I lay the blame where it should be, as well as praise them for acts or events where they have taken control and achieved success. I am not forceful, but I am very “in your face” honest. Style, in this case, has everything to do with it. Accuracy and style is what makes a good reader. And good friends know how to appreciate accuracy and style or tell you when you are way off the mark. And again, a good friend will let you know when you are off.
For friends who have never had readings before, I am a bit softer. Decks chosen for working in these situations tend to be more traditional. I look for decks with images that do not scare them off. It’s like reading for a new client; you don’t want to scare off Mrs. Middle Class with a very bloody or gothic Tarot Deck. However, it may be your new friend is Goth, and she may love the deck. Again, with a friend, you can experiment, and many times if there is something that comes up that the friend does not like, the situation is very forgiving and the learning experience is most valuable.
First time readings with new friends are easier to do. Unlike the best friend scenario, where you both know all the intimate details of each other’s life, a new friend may not have imparted many life stories, and new information, when it comes up, will impress upon the new friend that you know what you are doing.
I always inform a new friend that I will be stepping outside myself, and that I may not remember a lot of the reading. I also go the extra distance to make them comfortable. While a best friend will sit on the floor for a reading, a new friend I will escort to a table in a private place, and make them comfortable with a drink and some incense and candles. This is more than I would do with a client.
I will also be a bit more relaxed with a new friend while discussing with them issues that may be delicate. I will not sugar coat the truths uncovered, but I will also not force the point home as I would with a good friend. I want to establish a rapport, a level of trust with this new friend. I don’t want to scare them away.
I don’t think any tarot reader starts out by reading only for paying clients. They have to start somewhere. Friends are so much more forgiving of personal indiscretions than paying clients would be. People skills are developed here; how to handle the skittish friend prepares us for how to handle the edgy client. You learn what kind of person will like what kind of deck. And you learn your own personal limitations. How far do you want to go with a client? Well, how far would you go with a good friend, and then measure back from that with a new friend, and then back further still with a client.
With friends, dressing for the occasion is optional. It is more relaxed, I feel, even though the readings might be a bit harder. You can be casual. You can laugh at funny things, or cry with the friend at sad things. Sharing and bonding with friends is enhanced with the tarot process. The need for personal detachment with a client is not necessary here, and you can have more fun with the reading.
One of the small benefits of reading for friends is that they are the ones who refer new clients to me many times. I may not charge a friend, but I do get paying clients from referrals.
And then there are the parties, where I will read for many friends and possibly potential clients. When someone mentions to me “Oh, you may want to bring your cards if you feel up to it” is an open invitation to meet new prospective clients. Someone who might not walk into a “Tarot Readers” store in town will jump at the opportunity to have their cards read by someone who is known to their friend, and comes recommended. And they are the ones who will call you later, or call your friend later, to set up another reading.
With group readings, I have to pace myself. I can do about five or six readings at a time, and then I need to get up, ground, get something to eat or drink and I usually socialize at this point. After all, it is a gathering and more often than not we are there to socialize and have a good time. I have been at parties where I’ve done close to 15 readings over the course of the evening. Believe me, you are drained the next morning if you don’t take care to ground and eat when you are done. It does take a lot out of you. This is valuable training for when you do events with paying clients coming to you sometimes every 15 minutes; it helps you establish your own limits and boundaries.
Reading for friends, I find, is a most enjoyable experience, be they good friends or new friends. The more relaxed atmosphere, the ability to laugh and cry together. The trust and love established between you overcomes the awkwardness you might experience in the beginning. The ability to gain valuable life experience because of your readings with friends sets you up for the ability to translate this over to the rapport with your clients. It is about learning your own limits as to what you are capable of doing and what you enjoy doing. Have fun with this, and enjoy reading for your friends.
Originally published in the Llewellyn 2007 Tarot Almanac
